First off, after doing the full 24 pages last year to prove to myself I could do it I thought I'd give myself a break this year and do, at most, 12 pages. After coming up with a story and laying out the pages I had a total of 22 pages and two covers to draw. Instead of stepping back and rethinking the story or ditching it entirely, I jumped in and never looked back.
I felt like I'd been exhausted for weeks and I should have gotten more rest before Saturday. I should have gotten more sleep Friday night before the even but, no matter how tired I was, I couldn't sleep. If I was in bed I just laid there with my eyes closed and my mind racing. If I did actually get any sleep it couldn't have been more than two hours. Only two hours of sleep really isn't the way you should start a 24 hour marathon of doing anything. But, I showed up at 10am anyway and started drawing.
I penciled out the whole story by 5pm and started inking. And that's when I hit the wall. My head was aching and my back hurt. I could barely focus and I even had trouble making simple conversation with people. I was actually forgetting words as I talked. It wasn't good.
Finally, at 2am, I called it and stopped working. Monika tried to get me to keep going but I just couldn't. She actually badgered me to stay but nothing worked. I was done. I was the first artist to leave the event while everyone else kept working. In the end I had 24 pages penciled and 7 inked.
As tired as I was and as much as I understand why I stopped I still feel like a failure.
Part of me really doesn't know why. It's not like there was money involved or a job at stake or the chance of me being fired from anything if I failed. And, if I succeeded it didn't really matter either. It's not like there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or really any recognition if I pulled it off again.
Still, not making it this year is weighing heavily on me.
I had planned on trying to finish the pages in the coming weeks. I liked the way the story had come out and I really liked the way I had told the story. It really has promise. And I know I have some time to finish it before they put the call out for the finished art for the anthology. But now I don't know.
As you know, I spent the week prior to the event getting a cover done for the anthology book cover contest. I penciled, inked, colored, and laid out a cover because I thought more people would participate. But, as the day began, I was the only one who had printed a cover. One of the other artists actually called me a "brown noser" for doing a cover before the event. Later at least my friend Liam had a cover up in the voting next to mine and, by the end of the day, the guy who made the snide remark to me also had a cover up in the running (he had penciled it while another artist inked it.) On Sunday I found out I hadn't gotten the cover and the snide remarker had won. On his Facebook post where they announced the winner he actually wrote, "your reign of terror is over Mr. Tiffany!"
I'm sure he meant the remark in good humor but, with the way I am feeling now, it is cutting deeper than it probably should. It might have been because I was tired but I really felt like an outcast there this year, like I just didn't belong.
So, now I am not so sure about finishing up this story...or finishing up much of anything personal right now. I inked one page today at lunch and then came home and cleaned the house because it was something to do that seemed more productive than any piece of art on my table. I'll complete the client jobs I have in front of me, of course, but, after that, I don't know. And I really don't know if I would attend the next 24 Hour Comic Day.
If anyone has any advice on which way to go I'd love to hear it.
We'll see what happens over the next few days. Right now I just hope tomorrow is better than the last few days have been.
1 comment:
You should definitely try again next year. Your reign of terror IS NOT over, Mr. Tiffany!
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