Friday, March 26, 2010

From The Vault - OilCan Drive Open Mike 2003

When I was first toying around with the idea of doing actual music for the OilCan Drive comic book project I always linked the art to the music. Meaning, if I was having trouble on the music side I tended to slip back into the illustration side to even things out. I think it's why I did this piece way back in early 2003.

In 2001 I was dating a girl I cared very much for. She, of course, left disappeared, and dumped me. I didn't know where she moved to but I knew where she had been working. So, in late 2002, while waiting to see the new Lord of the Rings movie, I popped into the restaurant where she was waiting tables to see if she was there. With a restaurant staff there is a lot of turn over so not many people knew who I was talking about when I asked for her. But, one girl knew her and told me where she was. She told me she had moved back to San Diego and gotten married.

The girl who, when I was dating her, said she didn't believe in marriage, a year later, was married.

To say I was devastated would be putting it lightly.

This sent me into a deep depression where I wondered what I had done wrong and what I was doing with the life I was living. And, as much as I tried, I couldn't shake myself out of this depression. It lasted for a few weeks and I was getting sick of feeling that way.

But, then I figured out what to do.

I figured if I was going to beat the depression I'd have to replace that emotion with something stronger. And when I say stronger I don't mean love and joy and happiness and all of that Hollywood movie crap. Nope, the one emotion that seems to trump all others is fear. Fear speaks to that lizard part of your brain that triggers the fight or flight response. It's such an ancient part of the brain that, when triggered, no other emotion has room to exist.

I had to make myself afraid.

So, I decided, for the first time, to get up on stage with a guitar and perform at an open mike night.

Just the thought of doing that put a panic in my brain and all other emotions were sent running. I was no longer depressed. I was afraid. I was afraid of going up on stage and playing guitar and singing. And, to keep the fear alive, I knew I had to get up and do it.

So, I'm sure to alleviate some of that fear, I drew this piece a day or so before I went up on stage.

And, in the end, I got up on stage with a guitar, a microphone, and a friend backing me up on bass guitar. I played and sang all original songs and, even though the fear was right there with me, it went great. People clapped and cheered and I felt much better.

I was no longer afraid. And I sure as hell was no longer depressed.


Manu Mane said...

I'm glad you feel better now, and I wish you have found someone who believe in you and you can trust in :)

Manu Mane said...

I meant "someone - a woman - who believES in you, and you can trust in" ^^

Sean Tiffany said...

Thanks, Manu...and yes, I did find a great woman to share my life with. It was worth losing that one so I could meet the great woman I am with now!

And, yes, I have drawn can see a piece I did of her on my website here:

Manu Mane said...

Oh yes ! Monika ! I think it's wonderful to be able to draw the person we care !

One time, I drew a woman-cat I care a lot and offered her the drawing ^^

To be honest, it has not still convinced her I'm the good guy, but she told me she was flattered, and she liked it a lot. At least, we're friends : o)

She's the typical woman of my region, dark haired and blue-grey eyed, with a mat complexion.

And she does really look like a cat ! :)